Shauna Eats Sunnyside

Contraband Photo Essay: Trader Joe’s in Queens

October marked Trader Joe’s one-year anniversary in our glorious borough, so last weekend, B, myself, and our mobile friends J & D made the approx. 12-minute trek via SUV to Forest Hills to hit up the discount grocery mecca.

Before our photo essay begins, (cue disclaimer) let it be known that we were informed at the end of our visit by a Much-Too-Young-To-Be-Taken-Seriously-Whilst-Wearing-A-Red-Hawaiian-Polo-Shirt manager that, despite the lack of any signs indicating store policy as such, photography is apparently forbidden. At the time, of course we complied…

Luckily (shhhh) I’d already gotten around to documenting the deliciousness of our first Queens-side TJ grocery experience.

Mwuahahahaha.

In the car ride up the Blvd., we passed a homely-looking bakery outlet featuring George Weston Bakeries goods, including Thomas’ English muffins and Entenmann’s pastries at discount prices. Huzzah! We vowed to come back at a later time for an epic pastry run (I will annihilate these).

SNAPS for Entenmann’s!

Indicative of gentrification? Abandoned Roy Rogers-turned-Wendy’s, now an eyesore of a construction site across the street from Trader Joe’s. Everyone knows hipsters hate singing cowboys…

Hold up, horse crossing in Queens?? WTF?

A super-one-stop-shop building (with assinine parking sitch) where you can get your organic grocery shopping on after stocking up on silk flowers and puffy paints, ergonomic mouse pads, and last-minute slutty Halloween costumes.

For it being early evening last Saturday, aisles were surprisingly sparse minus the raging crowds typically indicative of the Trader Joe’s experience (except in the packaged meats aisle). Coming off of the preconditioned hourlong line at the NYU/madhouse location in Union Square, this was fucking heaven.

Oktoberfest pyramid: $5.99 Hofbrau Bock! If you’ve been anxiety-boozing recently, like us (see page 2), you might be able to appreciate such an alluring seasonal deal.

…love the idea of smushing wine into salami. We got a log of Chianti salami, which, for the record, kinda just tastes like regular salami. At $3.99, we’re not complaining, but no rich red wine zest to speak of.

Their ecclectic meat wall trounces the competition.

Destination of the moment: the (FREE) samples counter. Chick was toasting ciabatta bread in the oven, then spreading it with honeyed goat cheese and a dollop of mango ginger chutney. Shit was fuckin GOOD. The warmth of the bread made the moist cheese melty, and both toppings added contrasting sweet and tangy elements.

B inhaled his, and truth be told, went back for seconds. (Second pic above: notice the ravenous little urchin to B’s right, who had already housed Wendy’s fries and a soda and was creeping in on B’s ankles. Someone give that kid a candy bar. Please.)

I also tried some of the (FREE) Guatamalan blend—it was a bit irritating to add appropriate milk and sugar levels to my cup amidst a hoard of mobbing bottom-feeders, but mama made due and the in-store ground and freshly brewed coffee tasted strong and well-balanced. It also paired great with out second (okay, and third) helpings of goat-cheesy mango loaf (we eventually bought the ingredients to replicate the snack at home).

They don’t sell wine at this TJ (BOOOOO), but their beer prices are pretty reasonable. Looks like other Queens boozers are onto this trend, as well.

B debated which Trader Joe’s brand fish oils would best suit his active lifestyle (he eventually went with the Odorless Molecularly Distilled Omega-3 Fatty Acids).

Lines, what lines?? Incredibly enough, even with the looming holiday and weekend timing of our trip, we were at the registers and checked out in minutes flat. I was fascinated by the pumpkin butter display, but B was having none of that.

Our finds were plentiful… For the record, people, we (okay, B) dropped $137 (I paid him back later, dammit), and we have meals for, at the very minimum, a solid two weeks. Aside from the vitamins, NOTHING we purchased was more than $5 and in fact, most items cost around $2.99-$3.99. These prices would be unheard anywhere else in the city, and in these times of ultimate economic suckage, ya gotta take the deals where you can scrounge ‘em. We shit you not, it’s well worth the trip.

Case in point: Twelve rolls of two-ply TP for $3.99! We normally pay $3.99 for a 3-pk. of one-ply at (insultingly overpriced, but unfortunately convenient) The Store Formerly Known As OK Food. Trader Joe’s allows me the option of wiping my ass with two-ply but not having to pay out the ass for such a luxury. SCORE!

Also, 19-cent bananas. Can’t beat it!

Even pretty-pretty princesses shop for discounts.

If mama becomes a victim of the next Great Depression, I might just have to revisit that Hawaiian shirt. (This was right before “Captain Jason” told me to put the camera away.)

One of the snacks we broke open upon returning to our pad was this $3.99 carton of chili-spiced chocolate-covered dried mangos. A tasty, chocolately treat with considerable salty-to-sweet flava and a bit of fire; we’ve been pleased with this grab.

Last night we unearthed the $1.99 pack of dried dragon fruit in an attempt to combat late-night snackiness while watching “Scream Blackula Scream” on TV One’s Throwback Theater. Despite B nearly losing a filling on a rogue fruit chew, we thoroughly enjoyed the mild, almost poppy-seeded, fiber-heavy dried fruit slices.

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Entenmann’s Bakery Outlet
70-50 Queens Blvd.
Woodside, NY 11377

Trader Joe’s in Queens
90-30 Metropolitan Avenue
Flushing, NY 11374
718-275-1791