Shauna Eats Sunnyside

Fro-Yo Showdown, Queens Edition

…yup, there’s another one.

(on roosevelt ave b/w 50th and 51st sts)

the bastard children of stinkberry and red mango are whacking jackson heights, woodside, and the greater sunnyside area with a double-jab/overhand right combo that’s sure to give mama another weeklong shiner.

we’re talking CHEMICAL COMPOUNDS, here, people - impure, machine-spun hipster crack; as the New York Times so eloquently puts it, “the leg warmer of food trends.” but these largely korean-owned LED-lit trendster havens are cropping up quicker on this side of the east river than evicted mice from the recently renovated apartment above us.

*shudder*

bottom line, the fro-yo wars are just beginning in queens. these fuckers are staging an epic non-fat, cap’n crunch-topped battle using YOU - the increasingly diabetic consumers - as their sugar-dazed pawns. although it’s nearly impossible not to pass by the fluorescent storefronts of starberry and this so-called yofiore without being baited into their glitzy glass dining areas to drool over an array of sweet toppings and the promise of “free samples,” what’s the real cost?

for the record, $3.25 at starberry for a wee spittoon, sized up in $1 increments.

and i don’t know about you, but this shit still tastes like bland, nutrasweet-based brain freeze to me. no matter how many fruity pebbles you cram on top.

for that price, i’d much rather support my neighborly bodega-side snowcone stand (L&W bodega on Queens Blvd at 45th St.) or hell, even that shady mister softee truck that cruises 41st street chiming its pied piper tune into the wee hours of the morning… but this uninspired frozen smorgasbord of decadently topped dryer lint has to stop.

like, now.