Shauna Eats Sunnyside

Swerve Tactics at 99¢ Treat

With the economy in shambles this holiday season and consumerism strained, dollar store revenues are booming as the thrifty public turns toward generic and discount brands. In Sunnyside, dollar stores are welcomed with open arms as integral community staples on an increasingly cramtastic stretch of Boulevard…

Although hocking second-rate goods at discount prices to struggling college students, stockpiling grandmas, and rabid families of five is certainly a noble endeavor, seems the villanous 99¢ Treat (on Queens Blvd. b/w 41st and 42nd Sts.) has another, more deceitful angle in mind…

CUE SCENE:

B enters the 99¢ garage this past weekend solo, as I am in the depths of MD noshing on jumbo shrimp and Old Bay fries with the fam. He’s playing the part of Old Man Whiskey and is slightly disgruntled following a less-than-stellar Premier League outing that morning.

Apathetic, B peruses the tiresome bootleg kung-fu dvds rack, then meanders aimlessly along the outskirts of the musty, cluttered store before happening upon two small glasses in the kitchenware section… perhaps only four inches or so in height. The perfect girth. The perfect weight. The perfect rim. Yes, these will do. B closes his eyes and imagines complex woodsy aromas swirling across “the rocks,” clinking within his grip, as he raises a cup and thoughtfully—yet delicately—sips a double of duty-free Johnny Walker Green. A touch of sophistication. A touch of class. And easy on the pockets.

B checks the fold of his wallet and two fresh greens stare back at him. It must be fate. He makes his way to the register, prospective cups in hand, high-grade scotch on his mind. A man on a mission.

Once at the counter, a rather unpleasant cashier rings up his domestic finds as B stands anxiously with bills in hand.

Cashier: “Total’s $3.”

B: “Wait, how do you figure?”

Cashier: “$1.50 each.”

B: “Um, isn’t this a dollar store?”

Cashier: “Sir, this is a DISCOUNT store.”

B: “But you’re called 99¢ Treat. These are my treats… why aren’t they 99¢?”

Cashier: “$1.50 each. Discount, sir.”

B: “But all I have is $2. C’mon, two cups for $2.”

Cashier: “NO sir. $1.50 each. DISCOUNT store.”

Register lady clearly wouldn’t budge, so a confused B was forced to break up his duo of meant-to-be tumblers, emerging with just one wee whiskey receptacle for the duration of his bachelor weekend.

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Upon hearing this story, my mind wandered back to an encounter this summer in the very same 99¢ Treat, where I overheard the wily owner talk a young, Brighton-Beach-bound bloke into paying $28 for an Igloo Playmate cooler. The dude seemed desperate, otherwise he may have shopped around and realized that he was receiving no discount at all from these alleged discount overlords. Dude’s weak excuse for haggling fell on deaf ears as the owner stubbornly insisted the kid produce $28 for a 30-count cooling bin…which he did.

At the time, I just shook my head at the poor guy’s misfortune and proceeded with my two-for-$5 kung-fu dvds purchase… but in retrospect, what tha hell? THE STORE IS CALLED 99¢ TREAT!! Where in tarnation are all the 99¢ treats?!

In my humble opinion, it’s an almost unforgiveable swerve to lure in unsuspecting customers hoping for a deal—for the sacred, comforting discounts that a dollar store represents—only to stick them with 50¢, 75¢, and $28 markups on products that they surely sold for cheaper last year. Yeah, yeah, I know… inflation. The economy. The f’n cost of oil.

All I’m sayin is if dollar stores wanna keep their cred and maximize on disillusioned buyership, they need to sell that shit for $1 (AND NOT A PENNY MORE!!!)

After examining the scoundrels’ overhead signage today, one thing became apparently clear—these people are well-versed in the ways of the swerve. Check it out:

HOLY SHIT! When did this happen? They actually plastered over the “99¢ or Less” box with the word “MORE”… FIENDS!!

What bastards. This is almost as ballsy as my 19-year-old sister taking mama’s personal paperwork to the DMV to obtain an over-21 driver’s license back in ‘03. I am both impressed and utterly horrified.

The thrift store pirates have officially foiled our bargain voyage…

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99¢ Treat (a.k.a. “Markup Central”)
Queens Blvd. b/w 41st and 42nd Sts.
Sunnyside, NY 11104

Sugar & Joe... uh, if you're into cupcakes.

So, let’s precede this by stating that the enthusiastic owner of startup Sugar & Joe Café (on Greenpoint Ave. b/w 42nd and 43rd Sts.) is a tenacious baker and we admire her for keepin’ it real. More power to the sugar fiends.

Sugar & Joe did a now-ya-see-‘em opening in September, and has brought together a marriage of cupcakes, coffee, brunch items, and plastic preschool chairs. It’s actually rather charming. The cafe itself is Cute with a capital C. Like, Asian baby in a monkey suit cute. Glass hanging thingys, pastel-colored seating, countertop jars of penny candy (which do not cost a penny, mind you), and spotless stainless steel machinery surround the focal point of the joint, a colorful array of icing-happy cupcakes in an L-shaped glass display case.

The owner is a strong proponent for her goods. She emailed me a few weeks ago, and after reading practically identical praises of the cupcakery (written by our very own commenter and local blogger C. Smith) on Yelp and Local718, it’s evident the word is out. I say hustle… do what ya gotta do. Hell, The Sunnyside of Life is onboard.

But objectively speaking:

B and I wandered anonymously into Sugar & Joe one Sunday and perused the menu. It was early afternoon, and we were the only customers. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—obviously it takes awhile to get the ball rolling. However, after ordering our java and cupcakes, with two workers (one of which was boss lady) behind the counter, we still had to wait a considerable amount of time for B’s vanilla latte while our server fiddled with the espresso machine, as if for the first time. I ordered a standard house blend joe, my best judge of coffee shop potential.

My coffee:

B’s vanilla latte:

Pro: S&J makes a point to offer exotic beanage, demonstrating their respect for the serious coffee imbiber. Mine was Sumantran something or other.

Con: Though my coffee was warm and had a nice aftertaste, it was annoyingly weak. B’s syrup latte (with alleged espresso shot) was essentially room-temperature milk water.

With Colombian bakeries within blocks of S&J on all sides in a primarily Latino area of the ‘hood, it’s generally a good rule of thumb to pack a strong house blend—if your brew can’t hold its own, the longer-standing (and thriving) bakeries will make it stronger and sell it cheaper. Regarding espresso drinks, I’d give ‘em the one-off on this one, but B’s pretty unforgiving when it comes to a botched latte. If we wanted a dumbed down flavorless pick-me-up, we could’ve just sashayed over to Esparks (*shudder*). Sugar & Joe exudes potential in its attention to detail (again, those hanging glass thingys…wtf?); it’d be nice if that sentiment reflected in its brewed beverages.

We took our sweets to go and hit up the brat-magnet park across the street to maximize on natural lighting and the dying days of fall. B, personally, is just not that into cupcakes. That boy has a sweet tooth that just won’t quit, but cupcakes kinda bore him. In my icing optimism, I convinced him to take the plunge into a chocolate malt cupcake, while I happily nabbed some red velvet.

B’s choco malt cuppie was standard (by that I mean it coulda come from a Duncan Hines box) chocolate icing on chocolate cake, with a sprinkling of malted powder (Ovaltine?) on top. We didn’t detect any malt flava in the batter, and thus were left to believe that this was it. All build up, but not much complexity behind the evident sweetness. Pretty much just an overpriced chocolate cupcake. Hmmph.

As B grumbled, I attempted to enjoy my red velvet cupcake, though it really just wasn’t workin’. The cake was moist and spongy, but the major problem was the cinnamony vanilla frosting, which was harder and denser than I expected (and unevenly spread, for that matter). It weighed down every… cumbersome… bite. And it didn’t really taste at all like a red velvet cupcake. The sugared nuts were good, but did nothing to redeem the eventual bloat factor—mama was NOT a happy camper.

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UPDATE (11/26/08):

B and I strolled down 2nd Ave. the other day following a delightful Grand Sichuan experience only to stumble into the lauded Buttercup Bake Shop (on 2nd Ave. b/w 51st and 52nd Sts.). B is still not an avid cupcake fan, but I took a TRUE red velvet for the road…

Behold, what the red velvet was meant to be:

Ample, moist, delicate cake beneath rich (not wonky) creamy cream cheese frosting (please note the whipped swirling action and festive sprinkles)… a damn fine, melt-in-your-mouth cuppie. Satisfying—not awkwardly sweet, densely guilt-ridden, or bloatastic. A true delight.

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I also bought a caramel-chocolate-nut Turtle turd for later, and was actually pretty pumped about it (I won’t lie, that shit looked GOOD). But the chew was even more bland than B’s latte. Bummer. Overall a disappointing outing, considering we dropped like $12 on freakin’ cupcakes and cardboard-flavored caramel.

Some of the other pastries might be worth giving a whirl—if you’re having an insatiable sugar fit, Sugar & Joe does stock some serious uppers. But service needs some ironing out, and we’re hoping they drop a heavier hand for more respectable brew. Otherwise, we’ll likely stick with $1 guava pastries and Colombian dark roast up the street.

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Sugar & Joe Café
42-20 Greenpoint Ave (b/w 41st and 42nd Sts.)
Sunnyside, NY 11104
(718) 472-1070

Give Thanks For Food In Our 'Hood

If you haven’t guessed it already, Thanksgiving (i.e. National Day of Acceptance of the Act of Stuffing One’s Face in the Company of Loved Ones) is mama’s favorite holiday.

As it is such, we’ve been spying Thankgiving specials posted throughout our neighborhood over the past week… for those single folks not down with the fam on Turkey Day, here are a few local joints on the north side of the Boulevard that are putting on their holiday spectacles:

1. Butcher Block (41st St. b/w Queens Blvd. and 43rd Ave.) — they’re butchers, so we trust the meat. BB will find and cook the turkey for you lazy bums (poultry priced by the pound, plus a service fee). No use for a whole bird? The Butchers are also serving a sure-to-be-hearty feast with those legendary mashed potaters ($10).

2. Bliss Restaurant (on Skillman Ave b/w 45th and 46th Sts.) — upscale Sunnyside Gardens eatery is offering a $35 prix fixe meal. All I’m sayin’: “all the trimmings” better mean booze.

3. The Kettle (on Skillman Ave. b/w 50th and 51st Sts.) has a Thanksgiving specialty menu with some mouthwatering meals (roast duck with orange Grand Marnier sauce, baked ham and turkey with black currant sauce, lobster ravioli) in addition to the standard turkey fare. Entrees are kinda pricy, but include sides, dessert and coffee/tea.

4. Quell the naysayers by contracting a homemade pie from La Marjolaine Bakery (on Skillman Ave. b/w 50th and 51st Sts.). These people rock a mean almond croissant… chances are their pies are bangin’. (Not sure what the scarecrow graphic has to do with Thanksgiving, but gotta give it to ‘em for trying.)

5. We know, from previous years, that El Shater (on 43rd Ave. at 43rd St.) offers a turkey deal similar to Butcher Block, involving the halal preparation of bird carcass for Thanksgiving festivities. Not sure of the price this year, or of the deadline for placing orders (usually Tuesday pre-holiday), but give ‘em a call or swing by for more details: (718) 392-2702.

6. We peeped a Thanksgiving Day menu in the doorway at the usually hoppin’ Bar 43 (43rd St. b/w Queens Blvd. and 43rd Ave.). Bar 43 has recently upped its cred with an expanded menu and three-course prix fixe brunch ($18 on Sundays), and the bonus of 13 sports-centric plasmas could certainly improve your quality of life if you’re lookin to catch the game.

7. Branching out in Queens for a Thanksgiving dining experience is as easy as clicking the mouse. Check OpenTable.com, where you can search by borough, get info and link to participating restaurants, and make reservations online.

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Naturally, these aren’t all of the Thanksgiving deals. Sunnyside is a cornucopia of eats (except at 4am when B’s craving an f’n malted chocolate milkshake and nobody delivers except Pete’s Grill)…

Know of a Thanksgiving special in our ‘hood? Drop a comment—let us know!

As for us, B and I are headed to Jerz on Nov. 27 for an early ten-courser with the crazy Italians, then rolling back to Sunnyside in the eve and hitting the pub scene HARD.

Happy Holidays!

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Butcher Block
43-46 41st Street (b/w Queens Blvd. and 43rd Ave.)
Sunnyside NY 11104
718-784-1078

Bliss Restaurant
45-20 Skillman Ave. (b/w 45th and 46th Sts.)
Sunnyside NY 11104
718-729-0778

The Kettle Restaurant
50-24 Skillman Avenue (b/w 50th and 51st Sts.)
Woodside, NY 11377
718-335-7596

La Marjolaine French Bakery
50-17 Skillman Ave (b/w 50th and 51st)
Woodside, NY 11377
718-651-0495

El Shater Middle Eastern Grocer and Deli
43-02 43rd Avenue (at 43rd St.)
Sunnyside, NY 11104
718-392-2702 

Bar 43
43-06 43rd Street (b/w Queens Blvd and 43rd Ave.)
Sunnyside, NY 11104
718-361-3090

Awesome Indian in Woodside

Big ups to Sunnysider D, who recommended this next-‘hood-over Indian joint a block from the 61st St. train station!

B and I have hit cozy and authentic Masala Indian Cuisine (61st St. b/w 39th Ave. and Roosevelt) not once, but twice in the past few weeks, and our newly annointed “go-to spice hut” has proven exceedingly gangsta with econo-sized bottles of Taj, a colorful posse of heat-packing condiments, and the naan to end all garlic naan (at least for now).

Masala is a tried-and-true borough haunt. Open for 16 years, the family-owned restaurant has taken on various incarnations in our very own Sunnyside (as Empire of India) and Maspeth (ughhhh…Maspeth) before dropping trow on its current block in ‘05. With a large local Irish clientele, meals are simple, well-executed, and expertly seasoned (as D puts it, “the chef has a light touch”). Less is more, and the vast, aromatic flavor spectrum is worth the trip, alone.

Door-to-door from Sunnyside via the 7 train + one-block walk, it took us about ten minutes. Service is on point: promptly upon entry, B and I were seated in a nestling booth, poured goblets of water, and our orders were taken. These people don’t mess around, but it never feels rushed—just courteous and efficient.

The rich, cinnamony interior with strategic splashes of brown and gold and two large $7 bottles of imported Taj Mahal (damn! that’s a good beer!) fueled the spice anticipation. We dug the modern ink-blot paintings (i saw faces; B saw milk past its expiration date), mellow vibe, and modest menu prices. With most curry dishes in the single digits and many entrees hovering in the $7.95-$11.95 range, it’s easy to rock traditional Indian without paying out the ass for it… and rock it, we shall.

We started with an order of poofy garlic naan and a huge bowl of spiced mulligatawny soup. The lentil soup with lemon circle is nicely pureed, with distinct, complex curry flavors swirling in every spoonful. And the naan. OH THE NAAN. We can’t say we’re entirely versed in the nuances of Indian cuisine, but I will say that this naan puts all others we’ve had to shame. Warm, crisp-edged, fluff-packed, generously garlicked—HEAVEN IN MAMA’S MOUTH.

What I’d like to do to Masala’s beautiful naan:

• Burrow into it and sleep for the winter
• Lay alongside it in bed and spoon
• Fashion it into a scarf and earmuffs
• Press it up against my face and sniff
• Bathe in it until my fingers are pickled
• Slip my feet into it in lieu of slippers
• Sheath myself in it for the next toga party

Four pieces, two people = two tongue-loving wedges per person.

Needless to say, we had to have more…

For our main, we split chicken tikka tandoori, a plate of seasoned okra, and sides of jasmine rice and chili naan. The tikka tandoori is grilled perfectly, moist and succulent white meat hunks and assorted vegness that pair nicely with an array of condiments (FYI, the first time we went to Masala we had to ask for the sauces. The second time, they were automatically brought to our table). My favorite drizzling agent was the syrup-sweet tamarind sauce. Pickled onions were standard and tasty, and tangy cilantro sauce was of acceptable thickness and heat.

The okra came as a surprise—unlike Tangra’s mushy, breaded offering, this fresh okra is expertly cooked to retain its green outer skin crunch with a softer interior texture and interspersed by shards of marinated onion. Spicy and considerable in table presence, Masala hits this veggie outta the park (it’s definitely worth foregoing a second meat dish).

Our chili naan was just as poofy, crisp, and knee-weakening as its garlic brethren, but wee slices of jalapeno jack up the POW! factor to an almost unbearable degree. It’s good, don’t get me wrong. And we like heat. But hand-sprinkled toppings will always coat unevenly, so one bite of the chili naan is delightful and the next could be crippling. Proceed at your own risk; if your entrees are mild, this might prove a classy accompaniment.

Post-meal, we still had enough take-home grub to feed us regally the next night, and we were currently stuffed to the seams (though not in that “what tha hell did we just do to ourselves” kind of way) and digested over a piping cup of chai tea. I found the chai tea not as strong as I would have liked, though its smooth delicacy is ultimately soothing.

Also of note: Masala’s super-convenient hours, 12 to 11pm (7 days a week), make it easy on us late diners. And their number’s toll-free! Get the F outta here!

We’re all about this place. You should be, too.

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Masala Indian Restaurant
39-26 61st Street (b/w 39th Ave. and Roosevelt Ave.)
Woodside, NY 11377
(866) 370-9132

RU-GA-LAAAAAAAA!

We’ve been longtime fans of the light, buttery fruit rugala by-the-pound at Euro Shop (on Queens Blvd. b/w 42nd and 43rd Sts.) on mornings at the pub. It pairs so well with Magners and Manchester United…

This morning, I paid Euro Shop a visit during halftime to pick up some snacks. The owner promptly ushered me to the rear and pointed out a decorated pastry in the refrigerated section which he referred to as a “famous Hungarian national dish,” though he never told me its name. He cheerfully informed me that he’d made a fresh pot of goulash and stuffed cabbage, though I was in more of a sweets mood and opted instead for a half-pound ($7.99/lb.) of assorted apricot, raspberry, and plum rugala, that mystery Hungarian specialty sweet, and two mini cheese biscuit balls, for good measure.

When I returned to our staple pub, Flynn’s (on Queens Blvd. b/w 43rd and 44th Sts.), the game was back on and B was elbowed up to the bar, taking a 10:30am shot of Jameson with a three-scotch-deep Irishman who was celebrating the Liverpool win. Whatever.

I, for the most part, ignored their rabble-rousing and focused solely on my Euro treats. The Hungarian sweet’s fluffy (almost marshmallowy) top layer was kinda weird, though after a few bites the flavors really started workin together nicely. Rather than marshmallow, I believe that pillowy fluff to be whipped egg whites, with light drizzlings of berry sauce and honey. There’s an unoffensive layer of creamy cheese nestled within, an essence of lime reminiscent of my mama’s traditional lime bars, and a buttery cookie base. Quite lovely, in fact.

The cheese balls (hehe. balls.) were novel and amusing to look at (two for 90 cents), but really just cute little conjoined biscuits with a crisp sprinkling of shredded cheese on top.

Our booty of Yiddish pastries, on the other hand, was plentiful and bangin’. I feel like Euro may have altered their rugala recipe in recent months, as the last time we had them, they were more bready and less fruity… this time around, the crust was awesomely flaky and a little less dense, and there were considerable fruit bursts thanks to ample preserves in the core. We’d never had plum before, which turned out to be our favorite variety, though apricot and raspberry were equally light and scrumptious. While B entertained drunken debate regarding the historical context of his lifelong disdain for Liverpool, I buckled down and stealthily inhaled many of the buttery fruit nugs alongside my Magners on ice… and Man. U’s 5-0 final over Stoke City was the icing on the cake.

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Euro Shop Meat Market and Bakery
42-07 Queens Blvd (b/w 42nd and 43rd sts)
Sunnyside, NY 11104 
718-786-6026 

Flynn’s Pub
43-13 Queens Blvd (b/w 43rd and 44th sts)
Sunnyside, NY 11104
718-786-6756 

Financial Crunch Hits Churro Lady

The other Saturday, B and I decided to brave the increasingly brisk weather toward 46th St. for some sweets. At the time, my lamentations for churros were promptly rebuked by a disillusioned B.

B: “We haven’t seen her in months. Churro Lady closed up shop and shipped out a long time ago. You and your imaginary snacks…”

Sh: “That’s not possible. Churro Lady is 46th St.-fabulous. She HAS to still be there! You’ll see.”

B: “Whatever. I’m going for empanadas.”

As we walked, we mused about how many churros we would eat in the event that Churro Lady was present and a-slingin’. B suggested a churro challenge. I debated whether I could get down more than ten without a fight. B swore on 25. With stakes that hot, our anticipation grew.

Rounding the bustling corner at Queens Blvd. and 46th, as the sun peeked over the wilted eave of Flowers By Giorgie and beamed onto strips of pavement, the sidewalk crowd parted like the Red Sea to reveal her baseball-capped majesty, the tongs-wielding Churro Lady, awaiting our gleeful descent onto her batch of holy sugared dough sticks.

I glanced sideways at B, and he silently conceded defeat.

As we approached, Churro Lady graciously put down the celly and pulled back a layer of plastic wrap to reveal a piping bed of deep-fried sugar action. We asked for three (as in Churro Lady’s golden deal of three-for-$1) and were quickly informed of the new two-for-$1 charge. TWO-FOR-$1?! Seriously?! You know times are tough when reliably cheap street sweets are droppin’ a 20% increase on our snacky asses. Churro Lady just shrugged and said something in Spanish. Um, okay.

We took four-for-$2 and retreated to some red pleather movie theater seats outside of Pio Pio Riko, where the blow-up (and nighttime illuminatory) chicken was holding down his corner roost alongside a speaker that blared Peruvian folk tunes onto the sidewalk. GOTTA LOVE OUR ‘HOOD.

The churros were delicious… super crisp, amply sugared, lengthy and manageable as served in brown paper bags. But it just… wasn’t… enough. After scarfing down four, we realized that we’d go bankrupt before hitting our churro challenge goals, and thus, our noble plan was justifiably abandoned.

B returned to the pastry wondress for two more dough sticks, while I cautiously eyed up this eccentric chap rockin’ snowgear and riding breeches who was serenading a few noticeably underage girls across the street. Creepy, yet somehow amusing:

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Churro Lady of 46th Street
46th St. b/w Queens Blvd. and Greenpoint Ave.
Sunnyside, NY 11104

things that make you go mmmmmm...

(aka shauna eats new york chocolate show)

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thursday night marked the opening night of the 11th annual chocolate show at pier 94, kicking off with a chocolate fashion show (benefiting susan g. komen for the cure), wine and food tastings, and aisles and aisles and aisles of chocolate.

for the record, many other foodies were in attendance, and serious eats posted their writeup today. holla to the chocolate fiends. here’s shauna’s take:

my coworker, AM, and i embarked on the west side choco convention at approximately 7pm. we were so anxious that our hands shook as we hastily tacked on press stickers, crammed event programs into our bags, and darted into the thick, sensual atmosphere of aerated cocoa beans.

no sooner had we set off in the direction of the vendor stands when this adorably in-character peanut butter & co. monkey mascot shuffled up behind me and nuzzled his head on my shoulder. one fiercely unswerving way to my heart—i LOVE MONKEYS!!!



after a photo-op-‘n-cuddle with monkey man, we hit the closest aisle. pr folks in general are a chatty, over-exuberant bunch, and i’m by no means an expert in market relations (to tell you the truth, they kinda make me nervous). but i will give ‘em credit, they sure know how to hustle…

at the palmer’s cocoa butter stand, AM and i slathered on palmer’s newest body formula, skin therapy oil with vitamin e. fun fact: the skin therapy oil’s top ingredient is canola oil.. *shudder*   $10 for 5.1 oz... drugstores nationwide.

next up was UK line green & black’s organic bars. there were samples on-hand of every bar they make, including:

• lust-worthy dark chocolate with contrasting textures of hazelnut & currant.
• B’s fave, the maya gold dark chocolate with spices and a twist of orange.
• the new push, toffee - a creamy stick-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth milk chocolate texturized with sweet toffee bits that meshes into each bite, but doesn’t clog up your molars. very nice.
• cherry, with hunks of sour (not sweet) dried cherry flair amidst dark choco.

well done, green & black’s. once a fan, always a fan… (find ‘em at gourmet grocers like whole foods, but several kinds are available in our ‘hood at the butcher block). $3-$4 for a 3.5oz bar, greenandblacks.com.

bonus: to bump up the culinary cred of your next cookie batch, g&b also makes baking bars!!



the romanicos chocolate stand had generous sample bowls of cocoa nib truffles (what tha fuck is a nib, anyway?). whatever. more power to the little people. we finagled a press “kit” which contained a sixer of dark-on-dark original sin truffles (only 38 calories each!). Their interior was kinda brown-and-cakey meal. tasty try, but not quite. prices vary, romanicoschocolate.com.

AM picked up a mini vase of mashed potatoes topped with veggie chili courtesy of certé, and though there is no picture to document its existence, it was exactly as one might envision a mini vase of mashed potatoes topped with veggie chili…

now back to the chocolate…

berkshire bark is a massachusetts-run op by two impassioned chocolate dudes. they both say the white lightning bar, with belgian white chocolate, whole roasted cashews, crystallized ginger, lemon zest and sea salt, is their favorite taste explosion. after repeated sampling, i actually bought a bar of the rich jumpin’ java with belgian dark chocolate, roasted almonds, espresso toffee (the trick, they say, is to infuse the toffee with the espresso to create espresso-flavored toffee rather than including separate espresso bits in the chocolate), caramelized coffee nibs (again with that word!) and crushed coffee beanage to bring home to B.  $6 for a 2.8oz bar… available in nyc at select locations of Amish Market, Food Emporium, and Dean & Deluca; also on amazon.com.

lillie belle farms artisan chocolates are the brainchild of jeff shepherd, a culinary vet with a big personality and west coast sensibility. his financial crunch sign was an immediate attention-grabber, as were the smokey blue cheese truffles, which smoosh award-winning blue cheese and roasted almonds into chocolate (unique, tangy, an unlikely palate pleaser, though i doubt i could handle more than two in one sitting). financial crunch: $5 per bag and smokey blue cheese truffles: 12 for $25 gift box, lilliebellefarms.com.

at this point, AM and i noticed that we were among the only “professionals” wandering the room without a glass of wine in hand. as we are meticulous problem-solvers, we beelined straight for the booze table and got us some spirits (they were serving random chardonnay and a terrazzo red).



roni-sue was hitting the crowd hard with their specialty, pig candy (my first time seeing deep-fried chocolate-dipped bacon in the flesh). chef rhonda, aka roni-sue, is a strong woman with carnivorous conviction. her daughter was there helping out, as well… gotta love the family angle when hocking pig parts. the pig candy was DELICIOUS—the fat is rendered out, leaving the bacon super-crunchy and almost mapley against the sweetness of the dark chocolate. as roni-sue puts it, “it’s not meant to be diet.” lucky for us new yorkers, roni-sue’s chocolate shop is at the essex street market at essex and delancey. pig candy (also available online), $38 per pound, roni-sue.com.



we downed a shot of this serendipiTea in passing. wish they had a more exciting vendor booth, cause some of the teas on their website look pretty dope. serendipitea.com for more info.

charles chocolates’s gorgeous chocolate hearts were on display… these had a raspberry center (tender with a creamy burst of fruit!), but awesomely enough, they sell combo boxes on their website with raspberry and their other two sexy flavored hearts, mojito and passion fruit. if i was more of a chocolate whore on valentine’s day, i’d totally want these… *hint hint* 24-heart box for $30, charleschocolates.com. In the city? Check Whole Foods, Garden of Eden, or the badass Amish Market on 45th St.



the phoenix, az-area fairytale brownies people had the brilliant idea of doubling the calories of an already rich-and-fudgy raspberry swirl brownie by dunking it in dark chocolate. we applaud this sentiment, though truthfully, i wasn’t impressed with ‘em— they kinda have the throwback gummy chew of those little debbie plastic-wrapped brownies topped with nut bits. i’m not all about revisiting the middle school cafeteria, so i think i’ll pass. but snaps for managing to secure the rights to the site name brownies.com.



fun fact: theo has partnered with monkey (excuse me, chimp) lover jane goodall, donating proceeds from a fair-trade dark chocolate bar to benefit cocoa farmers, preserve the rainforest, and help the jane goodall institute save chimps—all of which, we can respect. worldly chocolate varieties, $5 for a 3oz bar, theochocolate.com; also at Whole Foods.

we were immediate buddies with the mellow west chester, pa. crew at éclat chocolate. “master chocolatier” christopher curtin rocked euro for awhile, and is big on the use of pure, quality ingredients. beautiful, cocoa-dusted and melty-ganache truffles, stacked thin discs of rich chocolates, and most impressively, the caramel hot chocolate that AM and i slurped graciously, courtesy of these colorful flavored chocolate swirl pops. let me just say that these swirl pops result in the tastiest (slightly salty and sweet, without being overpowering or heavy on the gut) hot cocoa i’ve had in YEARS. a must, an absolute must. can’t wait til they start distributing these babies. eclatchocolate.com for more info.

grand marnier rolled out their new “navan” vanilla cognac in cocktail and straight-up form. AM went for a pineapple-‘n-navan girly drink (pretty sweet); i tried to be tough and took the liqueur straight (*gag*). after promptly disposing of my glass, i swiped an awesome red grand marnier shaker as a consolation prize when the bartender wasn’t looking. navan.com.



jacques torres baited innocent passersby with these ginormo choco chip cookies, but the bourgey bastards weren’t offering ‘em up as freebies, so we missed out. grrr.

chuao chocolatier’s popular firecracker blend of truffles, bars, bonbons and chocopods pack a killer punch of dark chocolate, chipotle, sea salt, and fizzy pop rocks candy. prices vary, chuaochocolatier.com.

as tongue-spazzing as this was, the spicy maya (dark with pasilla chile and cayenne pepper) was complex, with cinnamony sweet undertone. chuao’s pr team (and chef) were fun people, too… which made loving their venezuelan-derived cali-based chocolates that much easier. 3 bars for $18, chuaochocolatier.com.

the ergonomic cocoa bean-shaped chocopods (shown above with passion fruit, orange, and banana centers) are individually wrapped, only 60 calories each, and the perfect quantity of chocolates for a 4pm sugar kick or post-dinner sweet. 6 for $6, chuaochocolatier.com;

chuao is also available at select whole foods, borders bookstores, a&p, and food emporium stores.



divalicious chocolate! rents festive choco fountains for personal and party purposes. they look delightful, but must be a bitch to clean up. and the liquid brown dip wasn’t even remarkable… meh, just meh. from $450 (for a small fountain… that was a big ‘un), divalicious.biz.

we put in to win a trip to the cayman islands… they gave us a slice of rum cake.



as part of the concurrent cook. eat. drink. live. tastings event at pier 94, the grape exchange’s mike grossberg graciously invited us to “sample any wine we want.” when given such freedoms, my mind tends to momentarily reel with power then promptly clam up. wine dude rec’d etude pinot noir, which delighted the senses with light, delicate grape-iness and a smooth, refined aftertaste relatively new to my peasant palate. i also crashed back in for seconds on the barrel monkeys shiraz after i heard mike telling another (far more promising) customer that it was “the big hit” of the night. sweet, sweet shiraz that’s sexy, subtle, and downright chug-worthy. i get the feeling it’s rather expensive. thegrapeexchange.com.

the chocolate fashion show was spectac. unfortunately, my camera was succumbing to battery depletion and got all blurry on my drunk ass. smudge sequence to follow:



“ironman” with edible breast- and back-plates. but that cup? yeah, not biteable in the least.



chick with buildings on her head. made in chocolate. the creativity is endless…



AM enjoying tavalon tea (the after dark blend—sugar and caffeine-free with fruit and flower flavas). big ups to the salesmen at the tea bar. they were cute and down-to-earth, without that overbearing sleaze angle. after dark starting at $5.50, tavalon.com.



“barbarella” (the hotness) with choco gun and sexy swagger.



superhero outfit was thrilling, and we’re guessing she squats about 600.



um, “batgirl”? whatever.

oddly ingenius invention of the evening: andao tea was handing out these reuseable tea cups—cardboard cups with built-in teabags. the “rare and organic Chinese” tea was just okay (truthfully i didn’t want a refill, but felt awkward throwing out a perfectly good teabag cup). teas are available at sweet leaf cafe in long island city! QUEENS, REPRESENT!

AM posing with the hybrid we entered a lotto for. she swears it will be her’s.

sweetriot had a festive display, but with all those handheld tin packs, the clique was quite stingy with handouts. ‘riot’s new 70% dark chocolate unbar was divine, but hasn’t hit the web yet… sweetriot.com.

no idea how these chocolates tasted, and that’s probably a good thing. but they had some pretty hot packaging… see bunnies, second row.



at the french culinary institute of new york, students learn to make chocolate power puff girls… charming. moving right along…



lara croft: tomb raider costume. mannequins in general freak me the fuck out.. but this one had an edible bra, skirt, and holster — so faceless plasticity and creepy frozen postures are ultimately forgiven.

another favorite of mine were japanese maker mary’s chocolate co.’s ganaches (in black sesame, sake, and green tea) feng-shui’d up in a glass sushi display case. at this point, the ravenous crowd was circling, and i got elbowed every which way as starving, lecherous fashionistas moved in on the samples. if there wasn’t a delicate ganache already getting melty in my fingers, i would’ve turned and punched one of the b*tches right in her adam’s apple.

at this point my fearless compadre AM and i were high on sugar and looped on cocktails. what next? we did shots of vodka out of chocolate cups from a tree. gotta keep it classy!

the peanut butter & co. monkey was nowhere to be found, but the ten-year-old company’s specialty peanut butters were hard-hitting with bumps of cinnamon raisin swirl, maple bursts, and cayenne heat. awesome, just awesome. visit their sandwich shop on sullivan street in the village, or hit up ilovepeanutbutter.com. and find me that monkey!

maison-boissier brings french sophistication with floral-tinged chocolate petals (great for table displays)—i only tried the lavender white chocolate petal, with real bits of french lavender, and it was beautiful, fragrant, and smooth. but m-b’s true love juice lies in its white chocolate mango jam, which i could’ve (and very well should have) guzzled straight, just on principle alone. you can tell jam makes me happy. maison-boissier.com for more info.



autographed pele ball up for auction.. for all the high-rollers who don’t worry about job security and health insurance and can blow the bank bidding on an obnoxious yellow ball in their spare time.



spread of freebies booty, in full effect… B was beside himself.

Baracking the Vote

Well, my endorsement should comes as no surprise, seeing as how we’re the liberal media and all. I hope we can still be friends…

Yesterday, on the eve of the election of the century, B forgot his keys in our sweltering apartment, so i met him at the Courtyard bar after work, where we enjoyed a frosty (beautifully poured) pint of Guinness in remarkably cozy quarters (somehow the walled-in, futuristic sconces are workin for this mellow Irish pub) before heading back to the Tropic of Cancer to sweat out the alcohol and a few pounds of water weight.

FAST FORWARD TO 5:45am…

B’s annoying alarm wakes me up (and not him), we snooze a bit, then throw on street clothes and hike over to the line at PS 150 (corner of 43rd Ave. and 41st St.). The line wasn’t too torturous, and I was really glad to see so many neighbors getting in on the ass-crack-of-dawn voting action. If you haven’t voted yet and PS 150 is your station, the line was down past the basketball courts at approximately 8:15am, but by 11:30am, had entirely thinned out. Get there before 9pm tonight and make that shit count.

While waiting to get our vote on, B and I enjoyed a banana (standard), Trader Joe’s antioxidant trail mix bar (love the dried fruits but a bit on the oily side), and Wild Berry Powerbar (tastes like fruity rubber, in a good way). Sadly, there were no multilingual “I Voted” stickers.  Bastards.

B kinda had to hightail it to work, but I went home and powernapped. As any flava enthusiast would, I then rewarded myself for such early-morning ambition with a Baruir large iced coffee ($3… since i’m broke, probably shoulda just stuck with the $1.40 hot coffee) on my work trek to Midtown.

Today is going by soooo slowly. I’m a wreck waiting for the numbers to come in. And stories of polling problems are, I hope, not the tip of the iceberg.

On the menu for tonight: Catered soul food at the office, then boozing for Barack.

Cheers!

Hello, Halo-Halo

On Saturday night, B and I found ourselves wandering the streets of Woodside after hours, looking for the next big SCORE. B recalled a bustling, yet unassuming, corner diner a few blocks from the 61st St. subway station that may or may not have served Filipino cuisine… we eagerly tromped over, hoping for something new.

As usual, B’s hunch was correct - Engeline’s Restaurant & Bakeshop (on Roosevelt Ave. at 58th St.), open til midnight on Fridays and Saturdays (and til 10pm every other day of the week), was workin the Filipino angle with purple glutenous rice balls, pasteled meringue poofs, and orange chunks of leche flan visible in the baked goods display case opposite a simple wood dining area where several small parties chatted over noodle bowls and grilled meats. Some Southeast Asian variety show with “little people” and a singing homeless man captured the attention of bemused kitchen staff, who looked away from the overhead flat-screens only to address our inquiries about the sweets. Delightfully, menu items are all under $10, but we were already stuffed to the seams and had our hearts set on the popular Filipino dessert halo-halo.

B and I had read about this hodgepodge layered shaved ice dessert and categorize it as the ethnic equivalent to Korean paht bing soo (ahem, luvz it). We ordered this particular $5.50 halo-halo to share, and it was brought out promptly with a long-handled tea spoon.

Colors melded together beneath the frosted glass, with swirls of purple yam being the most visible contender. A considerable hock of creamy leche flan sat alongside a satisfying scoop of (B says flan-flavored) ice cream atop a thick bed of ice shavings, but digging deep quickly yielded a bevy of flavors, textures, and bizarre new palate pleasers…

To be perfectly honest, it all melts together, so ID’ing precise ingredients is a bit futile. We get the feeling they just throw a buncha shit in there anyway. And as an adrenaline eater, you kinda just submit to the meal at-hand and hope for the best. In cases like this, at a random diner on the outskirts of Woodside in the wee hours of night, it pays off.

We detected red beans, coconut milk, strips of ripe coconut pulp, zesty chunks of (could it be jackfruit?), and that mellow purple yammage amidst the crunchy ice goo. The dessert was light on our guts and went down with the quickness. Variety is the spice, and DAMN was it good.

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Engeline’s Restaurant & Bakeshop
58-28 Roosevelt Avenue (at 58th St.)
Woodside, NY 11377
718-898-7878

Contraband Photo Essay: Trader Joe's in Queens

October marked Trader Joe’s one-year anniversary in our glorious borough, so last weekend, B, myself, and our mobile friends J & D made the approx. 12-minute trek via SUV to Forest Hills to hit up the discount grocery mecca.

Before our photo essay begins, (cue disclaimer) let it be known that we were informed at the end of our visit by a Much-Too-Young-To-Be-Taken-Seriously-Whilst-Wearing-A-Red-Hawaiian-Polo-Shirt manager that, despite the lack of any signs indicating store policy as such, photography is apparently forbidden. At the time, of course we complied…

Luckily (shhhh) I’d already gotten around to documenting the deliciousness of our first Queens-side TJ grocery experience.

Mwuahahahaha.

In the car ride up the Blvd., we passed a homely-looking bakery outlet featuring George Weston Bakeries goods, including Thomas’ English muffins and Entenmann’s pastries at discount prices. Huzzah! We vowed to come back at a later time for an epic pastry run (I will annihilate these).

SNAPS for Entenmann’s!

Indicative of gentrification? Abandoned Roy Rogers-turned-Wendy’s, now an eyesore of a construction site across the street from Trader Joe’s. Everyone knows hipsters hate singing cowboys…

Hold up, horse crossing in Queens?? WTF?

A super-one-stop-shop building (with assinine parking sitch) where you can get your organic grocery shopping on after stocking up on silk flowers and puffy paints, ergonomic mouse pads, and last-minute slutty Halloween costumes.

For it being early evening last Saturday, aisles were surprisingly sparse minus the raging crowds typically indicative of the Trader Joe’s experience (except in the packaged meats aisle). Coming off of the preconditioned hourlong line at the NYU/madhouse location in Union Square, this was fucking heaven.

Oktoberfest pyramid: $5.99 Hofbrau Bock! If you’ve been anxiety-boozing recently, like us (see page 2), you might be able to appreciate such an alluring seasonal deal.

…love the idea of smushing wine into salami. We got a log of Chianti salami, which, for the record, kinda just tastes like regular salami. At $3.99, we’re not complaining, but no rich red wine zest to speak of.

Their ecclectic meat wall trounces the competition.

Destination of the moment: the (FREE) samples counter. Chick was toasting ciabatta bread in the oven, then spreading it with honeyed goat cheese and a dollop of mango ginger chutney. Shit was fuckin GOOD. The warmth of the bread made the moist cheese melty, and both toppings added contrasting sweet and tangy elements.

B inhaled his, and truth be told, went back for seconds. (Second pic above: notice the ravenous little urchin to B’s right, who had already housed Wendy’s fries and a soda and was creeping in on B’s ankles. Someone give that kid a candy bar. Please.)

I also tried some of the (FREE) Guatamalan blend—it was a bit irritating to add appropriate milk and sugar levels to my cup amidst a hoard of mobbing bottom-feeders, but mama made due and the in-store ground and freshly brewed coffee tasted strong and well-balanced. It also paired great with out second (okay, and third) helpings of goat-cheesy mango loaf (we eventually bought the ingredients to replicate the snack at home).

They don’t sell wine at this TJ (BOOOOO), but their beer prices are pretty reasonable. Looks like other Queens boozers are onto this trend, as well.

B debated which Trader Joe’s brand fish oils would best suit his active lifestyle (he eventually went with the Odorless Molecularly Distilled Omega-3 Fatty Acids).

Lines, what lines?? Incredibly enough, even with the looming holiday and weekend timing of our trip, we were at the registers and checked out in minutes flat. I was fascinated by the pumpkin butter display, but B was having none of that.

Our finds were plentiful… For the record, people, we (okay, B) dropped $137 (I paid him back later, dammit), and we have meals for, at the very minimum, a solid two weeks. Aside from the vitamins, NOTHING we purchased was more than $5 and in fact, most items cost around $2.99-$3.99. These prices would be unheard anywhere else in the city, and in these times of ultimate economic suckage, ya gotta take the deals where you can scrounge ‘em. We shit you not, it’s well worth the trip.

Case in point: Twelve rolls of two-ply TP for $3.99! We normally pay $3.99 for a 3-pk. of one-ply at (insultingly overpriced, but unfortunately convenient) The Store Formerly Known As OK Food. Trader Joe’s allows me the option of wiping my ass with two-ply but not having to pay out the ass for such a luxury. SCORE!

Also, 19-cent bananas. Can’t beat it!

Even pretty-pretty princesses shop for discounts.

If mama becomes a victim of the next Great Depression, I might just have to revisit that Hawaiian shirt. (This was right before “Captain Jason” told me to put the camera away.)

One of the snacks we broke open upon returning to our pad was this $3.99 carton of chili-spiced chocolate-covered dried mangos. A tasty, chocolately treat with considerable salty-to-sweet flava and a bit of fire; we’ve been pleased with this grab.

Last night we unearthed the $1.99 pack of dried dragon fruit in an attempt to combat late-night snackiness while watching “Scream Blackula Scream” on TV One’s Throwback Theater. Despite B nearly losing a filling on a rogue fruit chew, we thoroughly enjoyed the mild, almost poppy-seeded, fiber-heavy dried fruit slices.

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Entenmann’s Bakery Outlet
70-50 Queens Blvd.
Woodside, NY 11377

Trader Joe’s in Queens
90-30 Metropolitan Avenue
Flushing, NY 11374
718-275-1791